Chocolate Socialist (braisedbywolves) wrote,
Chocolate Socialist


So there is this meme, which I didn't have enough history to do properly last year, where you present the first sentence of each month, as a picture of how you've been.

January: So, it's my birthday today, big up me for being one year older.

February: I hope no-one has been on tenterhooks about my life (apart from me) - the news on the flat is that it definitely went last Thursday to emsk's friend, and I thought about my backup plan, then decided not to bother, as moving is such an almighty pain in the head that I'll only do it for a 'perfect storm' thing like that flat.

March: Good news: Had an final interview this morning with a company that recently hired a friend and ex-colleague of mine.

April: Blimey, this is nearly a whole week late.

May: Yes, my bike's been nicked.

June: So, er, do any of you have a car?

July: Bad Science killed my earlier poll, so the current state of play is:

August: London Fields, this evening, picnic?

September: Alright, who let Warren Ellis near the porn subjectline generator again?

October: Children of Men, the dystopian "oh no people can't make kids anymore" film from Alfonso Cuaron.

November: I saw a lovely one on Sandringham Road, and spent most of my time going "gah, pretty", so I'm going to mail back with further questions.

December: So there is this meme, which I didn't have enough history to do properly last year, where you present the first sentence of each month, as a picture of how you've been.

More or less the narrative I'd expected, really - a shaky start, a dip a few months in, and then a steady climb to sunshine. Some of this is due to my friend Emma (that's her in February), who I met early last December, when I was not at my best: lonely and emo and prone to being prickly about it. I saw her on The Other Internet asking if anyone wanted to come down and see some bands in the Buffalo Bar, and I thought why not, at least some music will get me out of myself. She was exactly the right person I could hope to befriend in those circumstances - approachable, active, someone you could always ring up and find out about a gig that she was going to that she could get you into cheap. Her support helped keep me here at times when I wasn't sure, and over the year she's basically become my best mate. But I'm not just saying this here to make her blush if she sees it.

I also had a low point last December which burned itself into my brain with the power of shame: one Friday, I stopped waiting for people to say "Let's go to the pub!", and wrote a post saying "Is ANYONE going to the pub?". It took a lot for me to actually say this, I was pretty down and willing to sacrifice whatever point of pride it was that kept me from actively seeking company out. Though I knew if no-one answered, it would be a long time before I asked again. And no-one answered. And then the next Monday I heard from people (who had completely missed my post) of how their excellent weekend had started with a trip to the pub, and I completely lost it, and posted something bitter and unpleasant and now deleted.

And now when I've gone back in the archive for the purpose of this meme, I've found something I'd missed from my memory, something that's left me gobsmacked: it was the same day. I felt rubbish that no-one would go to the pub, so I jumped at the chance of some music. And I was bitter come Monday, because I was sure I'd missed all the fun.

Pick your own people-positive moral - I'm just going to sit here, stunned.
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